Tuesday, July 1

I take care of my kids!

Some people have accused me of neglecting my kids, so I just want to set the record straight. I take care of my kids! And I don't spoil them! Each morning they leave the house for summer school with a clean pair of sweatpants, last night's pajama top, velcro shoes, and a tablespoon full of peanut butter in their mouths. That's a hell of a lot more than I got as a kid!

You got to give your kids what they need, but you can't always give them what they want. Last year, when it was time for new shoes for school, I told the kids to get ready to go to the Payless Shoes. My oldest had the nerve to say, "Momma, I'm not gonna wear no Payless sneakers!". I said, "You're gonna be a little shoeless motherfucka then!". Soon enough I had her in a new pair of Pink Payless velcro sneakers. I would get them the lace ones, but I don't have time to teach them all that foolishness.

Just last month I got a call from the school. My middle child had gotten in trouble for bringing one of my Tampons to show & tell. The teacher tried to prepare me for this revelation, as though I'd be shocked. Well who do you think gave it to him? I even gave him the little instruction pamphlet they come with. So what was the problem? She told me something about it being too early for that kind of sex education. Well what do periods have to do with sex?

Now for my youngest, she's only three. She don't do nothing but sit on the couch and drink sodas. She started that habit when she was teething, because she wanted to get the taste of frozen fish stick out of her mouth. Now she's up to a 3-liter a day! She also gets all the television that a child needs. She falls asleep every night with that damn Court TV blastin' in the background.

I even got those ungrateful kids a pet dog! They were so happy that Christmas, and he didn't cost me anything! He was cute too! Unfortunately we couldn't leave him alone for more than five hours without him shitting in the townhouse. So while they were visting their Grandma on Valentine's day, I was driving an hour to dump this dog out in the middle of the country. I really hope he found a nice home. I could tell that the kids were mad about it, so I put this picture in a frame on the wall for them to remember him by. That's what being a parent is all about.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

you have to be kidding me you friggen moron.

Anonymous said...

uhhhh its moran you moran!

Anonymous said...

LOL that was funny as hell. BRAVO

Anonymous said...

You go girl1 peanut butter is da deal! gots plenty of protien and carbs.

why waste time learning children acient tecknowlogy like shoe laces, velcro is our future

Anonymous said...

God, I love you.

Anonymous said...

If this is true, it is people like you why I've lost faith in humanity

Gargantuan Clamneck said...

No kids for me cause I thought you HAD to be nice to them....who'd a thunk you could torture them...

I met a lady who came to florida for some sun!!!
So I gave her one!!!!

I might find a skank like you 'n get my own 'lil bastage

Anonymous said...

are you interested in babysitting my children?

Anonymous said...

are you freakin kidding me???? Someone please tell me this is a joke!!!! Your lucky your not in Canada or CAS (thats the Children's Aid Society) would be down your throat quicker then YOU could tie a shoe. (which I'm totally assuming you can't since you can't even teach it to your kids)...and it is MORON! by the way ...you redneck hillbilly!

Anonymous said...

You spoil your kids by the sound of it! Mine have to fabricate their own damned shoes from old tyres and hunt their own food. Gotta teach them to be self sufficient, and it ain't gonna happen with me providing for them!

ThaRizzy said...

Holy shit, there are some dumb ass people in the world. I love you Jocelyn!

Anonymous said...

"So while they were visting their Grandma on Valentine's day, I was driving an hour to dump this dog out in the middle of the country."

Oh, that was nice of you! Behind your kids backs, you dump THEIR dog somewhere in the country, without telling them. Yeah, what a great mother you are!
I feel sorry for your kids, you trat them as small-adults. They are not fully-grown yet, they can't take all desicions themselves. And you call them ungreatful.. Pathetic!

Seems to me like your more interested in money than your kids..