Wednesday, September 17

Gettin' money over here!

If you're like me then you're all about gettin' paid! I'll try anything as long as it helps me bring in more of that chedda! And now that I've finished selling off all of my ex-husband's stuff I've been forced to be a bit more creative. I swear, the kids today think a parent's life is so easy, but it ain't! It's hard out here for a mom!

A few months back I had some bills to pay and ended up taking a part-time job at a nursing home. It had it's benefits, like free pills and a rehabilitation hot tub on site. And sure, those old folks are easy to steal from, because nobody believes their senile accusations. What wasn't easy was the actual work...like having to wipe off the insides of their legs!

I decided to get my kids to assist me in making ends meet. It's probably time for them to start earning their keep anyway, and they really love to feel included! I've got them running all over the neighborhood, swiping stuff from people's garages. Used sports equipment can bring in a pretty penny...and used tools bring in an even prettier one!

Sometimes when I need some extra scratch we'll do a little prowling around the mall. My two youngest kids are small, and particularly good at grabbing an unattended bag or two and slipping into a clothes rack to hide. Most times the bag will have the receipt in it, making returns a breeze. If not, I can still make use of that store credit!

When I head out of town to drink at one of the county bars, I often attract the burly, gun owning type. So when I'm done rockin' their world I simply wait until they fall asleep. Then I sneak downstairs and grab a spare handgun or two from their collections. 9 times out of 10 they keep the key right on top of the gun cabinet! There's a group of nice young men at the end of my block who will gladly pay up to $75 for a quality piece! Or accept it in trade for some really good weed!

I'm always looking for opportunities, so drop me a line if you have any fresh ideas. The best things to grab are items that nobody will miss. Maybe we could put our heads together and pull off a big job, like making off with that crummy Arthur Ashe monument and selling it for scrap metal!

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm glad I don't live in your hood.

buzz said...

Just found your blog. Wondering how I'm gonna get any work done now that I feel the need to read all your posts and the idiotic comments.

Brandon

.lp. said...

you are my hero.

Anonymous said...

Proof positive that white trash is in power everywhere. Thanks for helping me with my contempt for humanity and its massive shortcomings.

Jenn said...

I'm in the same boat as Brandon.

Anonymous said...

You are truly one of the scummiest people out there, I'm glad I moved out of Virgina. Also, solicitation of another to commit a crime is in itself illegal maybe you should rethink what you post on the internet.

Anonymous said...

You have a sad life and you'll raise some really sad children. Hope they won't end up in jail because they were so unlucky they had a mother who 'doesn't get it'.

So I think the soonest you get caught and thrown in jail, and your kids are taken by child services and adopted by some normal people, THE BETTER. Hope you like jail oats.

TrenchWolfhound said...

Brilliant. Excellent usage of your sexual abilities, and great artistic use of child labor. It's admirable when one can utilize their every advantage. Not enough people are able to do such.

But, I suggest taking your talents to a higher level. Petty theft is alright, but how does it make any bank? Scams is where it's at. Especially through proper manipulation of children. I'm just sayin', someone with your loose morals and 'natural gifts' could go far, I assure you!

Anonymous said...

wow, how are you even alive? If I was the doctor that delivered you I would have put you straight into a bucket, honest. And you have children? thats unbelievable, there definitely is no god.

annacakes79 said...

I am also in the same boat as Brandon and Jen, I hope it is at three seater!

Anonymous said...

You just admitted to breaking the law on the internet. Once on the internet it lives for ever,
you can never hide that you just confessed to committing crimes. You could lose your kids over this.