Wednesday, November 5

Takin' a pot shot!

I'd like to start today's post with a big fat "Thanks for nothing!" to all you jerks for not doing a write-in for Hillary yesterday like we agreed! Now we're stuck with this Obama character. Yeah, maybe his inspiring words remind people all over the world about all the great things that America stands for. But so what? What do I get out of that?

I'm sorry, but I have very little confidence that his plans for redistributing wealth are going to work out as well as the Republicans have promised. And tax breaks only benefit those who actually pay their taxes. So forgive me if I reserve my celebrating for when I receive my first big fat socialist money redistribution check!

Aside from standing in the rain for an hour and a half just to throw my vote away, something else happened yesterday which forced me to take a stand for my rights in a more direct way. Y'all know I don't ask for much, but I do demand a little peace and quiet while I use the toilet. This is my "me" time, where I meditate, and get away from the stupid slags in my office.

There are only two stalls in the restroom I use, which is down in the building's main hallway. There's the handicapped accessible stall (that's the one I like), and there's the one regular stall next to it. In order to maintain my privacy, I usually pull the door shut on the regular stall before going into the other, so it looks like they're both occupied.

Usually this setup works beautifully. But yesterday some bitch came in there in a hurry while I was wiping (and playing Solitaire on my iPod). She checked both stall doors, pulled the second door free, and made her way inside and onto the seat. Not only was I aggravated by having my privacy disturbed, but this person didn't even give me time to get up out of there before letting loose with what sounded like a broken garbage bag full of Brunswick stew.

I decided that this ho had to be made an example of. So I put my iPod into my purse, pulled my pants up, and prepared a little surprise. I wadded up a giant ball of toilet paper and sanitary seat covers, dipped it all the way into the toilet, and tossed it over the wall of the stall. As she screamed with surprise, I leaped out of my stall, flipped off the light, and ran down the hall back to my company's office. I must say, it felt damn good to stand up for myself!

67 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are my hero!

Anonymous said...

You sound like a cunt and look like one to. O no a public restroom and someone else took a crap next to me. Let me stand up for myself and be an ass. Silly libtard!

bundee said...

I totally agree with you on this. I mean, after all Hillary went through in Bosnia and what Chelsea went through during 9/11, how could you not write her in? I am disappointed in you America. I'm moving to Canada and hope other Hillary supporters follow suit in protest!

Anonymous said...

..letting loose with what sounded like a broken garbage bag full of Brunswick stew.

Damn, that is classy line.

Anonymous said...

does anyone care what anyone in the southern states says anymore? hopefully not.

Anonymous said...

WOW.

If you really are a registered democrat then you should be ASHAMED of yourself for being so utterly selfish and bitter and just plain retarded.

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you!?!

You're so butthurt that Hillary lost that you'd rather have grandpa and caribou barbie/hitler in office for 4 more years of Bush!?! You should turn in- no, BURN your voter registration card because people like you don't even deserve to be a part of the democratic process.

You are worse than the republicans. At LEAST they stood by McCain even though it was clear that a lot of them were disappointed with his nomination... You are just a backstabbing traitor to the democratic party. We don't need you and we don't want you. GTFO!

And way vent your rage at some unsuspecting victim. That clearly illustrates how far off the deep end you've gone. The best part? You're actually PROUD to act like a cowardly biatch! You turned your tail and ran just like you turned your back on the rest of us democrats. Good job, here's a cookie!

Do us a favor and adopt 30 cats and buy a dildo so you can go into seclusion and save the rest of the world the from the displeasure of having you contribute to society.

Anonymous said...

Have you considered visiting a psychiatrist? There's a whole lot of anger in there...

Anonymous said...

The world needs more people who are willing to take matters into their own hands instead of looking to authority figures to solve all their problems!

Existential Punk said...

Can we say "SOUR GRAPES" for god's sake! Get over yourself and be glad McCain/Palin were not elected.

Anonymous said...

Good god, give it a rest already.

The country is in terrible shape and all you do is whine.

get the fuck to work! Obama is a good thing for this country BECAUSE he inspires so many people. That alone is worth something. He's also smart, motivated, driven, has world-class endorsements, a great plan, can reach accross the isle.

HE FUCKING BEAT HILLARY BECAUSE HE IS BETTER! Get the fuck over it.

Good god. Give it a rest already.

Enough with the hate! This country needs more LOVE, less hate.

I realize you are sour, but move on!

Help the country heal!

Anonymous said...

See the 4-5 paragraph comment on how you should be ASHAMED of yourself... Ditto!
Also, good job on tying up two stalls to sit on your fat ass and play solitaire, then to get pissed and throw toilet paper and turn off the lights on someone that actually had to go to the bathroom. What are you.. 12? you suck.

Robert said...

I fail to see how this is "making an example" out of this poor woman (you usually need an audience to do that). I think it's just you being an angry, unattractive middle-aged woman that didn't get her way so she decided to be a brat about it. You took it out on a complete stranger and you're bragging about it. I hope you feel better about yourself.

Anonymous said...

Well, I for one found that fucking hilarious! *SIGH* Why doesn't anyone have a sense of humor anymore?

TiaHermanaMaggie said...

Jocelyn, I feel your pain and frustration. If there is any time that a person should be able to call their own, it's when they're taking a dump.

Next time, do this. Bring a half of an old warm hershey bar into the bathroom and smear it all over the toilet in the other stall. I guarantee you'll never have to put up with anyone else using the other toilet while you're answering the call of nature.

Mary Lou Moonsucker

Anonymous said...

Jocelyn
I just wanted to say you are freakin' hilarious!
Bloggers like you make it all worthwhile.
Keep up the great work. I just stumbled across your site the other day and I was laughing out loud in my office - people were asking what I was doing (of course, they all assumed I was looking at porn!)
I can't get over the retards that bash you - are they honestly that dumb?

Anonymous said...

I see that you are approving comments now. You are smarter than you seem. BTW, I am the dude who thinks you should just off yourself.

Since you showed no backbone when you assaulted an innocent woman ON THE TOILET I doubt my 4 pages of vitriol will make it to your blog. Too bad... I think you and your ilk could have at least learned some new vocabulary words.

get fucked you ugly cunt.

Elizabeth said...

I die laughing with every blog entry you write. I can't believe there are people who don't see the humor in it. Keep it up, babe! =)

Anonymous said...

Since 40-some-odd precent of this country voted for that troll Palin and the body that used to house the great American John McCain I will simply look past your Hillary voting nonsense.

But the toilet shit? What the fuck is your problem? It is a public restroom, bitch, not your personal shit house. I am going to ignore your vulgar attempts at humor (sounded like stew did it? isn't that nice?) and the disgusting habit you have of playing with your ipod on the toilet. But getting pissed about someone else in the loo with you is something I expect to hear from a gun shy four year old.

Grow. The Fuck. Up.

Closing the stall door... sweetheart, most humans who have to dump will not be deterred by that. Can you imagine a line of 2,000 people, waddling back and forth, holding their privates with tense looks upon their faces saying "jesus, those doors have been closed for so long... when will it be my turn?"

So obviously you're stupid. Did we cover that already with the Hillary write in shit? (btw, ask yourself the next time you are having a "me moment" on your compaies dime who the hell Hillary voted for. Do you think her and Bill wrote themselves in, you dipshit?)

Now onto the handicap stall. I have nothing but contempt for those that refuse to use a regular stall when there is a handicap one ready to go. Guess why we put those in? For handicapped folks. And, no, not the mentally handicapped, which I am sure you would qualify as, but for those with physical disabilities that require them to have extra room to maneuver.

Can you imagine what fucked up things you would have said about the sounds coming from some nice lady trying to get off her wheel chair? "She sounded like she was dropping spare change in the toilet with all click-ity-clacking!)

So, here you are, in the BIG STALL, so you can stretch out and lay video games. Good for you. You are officially a me-first cunt with a capitol C.

But then, oh boy, then you had to ruin someone else's day because she had the audacity to have loose stool. It is called alcohol and mexican food, you idiot, and it happens to everyone. Have you never had a loose stool? Or does only rose scented bundles of potpourri come out of your back side?

No... she offended you during "me-time", in a stall you shouldn't use anyway unless it is the only one open, in a public restroom. She must PAY!

I pray she or her boyfriend come across this post (it got put up on reddit... so something like 30 million people now know you are a troll faced bitch) and hunt you the fuck down. I hope they slash your tires (assuming you have the brain power to operate a car). I hope they tell your boss and show them the post and get your ugly ass fired. I hear it is a lot harder for ugly people to find work these days. Most of all, I hope she interrupts your play date every day until you finally give up and start shitting at home. She should dump whatever shes got--coffee, ink, hot water, loose stool-- all over you.

I realize this post was probably meant to be viewed by your friends only... tough. The internet is a harsh mistress. Next time you think it best to share your narrow minded, ignorant acts.. don't.

I think it may be best for you to kill yourself actually. Do it in the handicap stall, it will be more comfortable for you there.

And to the bitch who suggested smearing chocolate on the unused stall: You are just as big a cunt. You, girls, are what is wrong with America. Someone cleans up after your piggy asses. Pay them some fucking respect.

Anonymous said...

I got hip to that chocolate on the toilet seat trick a long time ago. Now, I always take a taste to be sure. Of course, once in a while it turns out to be poo, but that's the chance you have to take. A small price to pay if you really have to pinch a loaf and the handicap stall is taken.

Jasontimmer said...

Hey, way to stand up for yourself by assaulting an innocent woman for using the restroom. You're a fucking freak and you need to be in prison.

Anonymous said...

yep, typical classy Hillary supporter.

Carrie said...

Oh my God, what a bitch you are!
Feeling that you're being stripped of your rights because someone had to use a public toilet and then acting like a total cunt?
Even a ten year old would be ashamed to act this way!

Dan said...

I can't decide which is better - the delightful banter that you write or the witless morons that comment :)


I've decided - both are about equal....


Keep up the good work!!!!

Anonymous said...

i too am an admirer. love the work.

Karen said...

Just came across this blog, and you are funny as hell.

I'm still laughing about this post!

Lantern Bearer said...

You know what I hate about all them stalls in public tawlets? Grunters and squirters. You know the ones who just got back from lunch and that bad boy burrito was past its date at the 7/11. First they have to get that big Hardy's breakfast from yesterday out of the locked load situation (gruntin')and then here comes the burrito out with a veengence. (splash and sunamee). Puts me right off a good fap.

Anonymous said...

Well bless yer heart!
How dare America vote for a MAN!
And that bitch who had the AUDACITY to use the bathroom while you were in there playing solitaire!
And by the sound of that stew dropping so quickly, she surely could have waited until you finished with your alone time!
GAWD!
The nerve of other people!
They act like the world revolves around THEM!




You were so right to.. oh God, I just can't keep it up.

WOW!
Just... WOW!
I thought that shallow, self-obsessed, vapid whores like you only existed in movies.
I mean, WOW.
You are like a cartoon character.
A veritable cardboard cutout straight out of a Reese Witherspoon movie.

Damn.

See, men don't need to do anything to discriminate against you.
It can't hold a candle to the awful shit you women do to each other.

I can just imagine that poor woman, who sounds like she just barely made it in time to unload the horrors that had been stewing in her bowels, suddenly being slapped in the face with a giant toilet-water soaked spitball.
And then you left her in the dark to deal with it on top of it?

WOW!

Way to uphold the core values of the sisterhood!
With more behavior like that, I expect that glass ceiling Hilary was hoping to break through may be there a while.

Stay classy!

Justin said...

Viva la revolution! I salute your bravery and self-respect. Eventually no one will go into that bathroom out of fear of getting shitfaced (not in the good way). I adore your blog. Keep the funnies coming; I look forward to your next post every day!

Anonymous said...

Well, w/your name shown in your blog, finding and contacting your employer and possibly getting your white trash ass fired over your bathroom douchebaggery is possible!!!

Anonymous said...

I don't know what I enjoy more - the posts or the vitriolic responses. Keep it up, Jocelyn! Great stuff.

Anonymous said...

You're fucking disgusting. You're what's wrong with America. Selfish fucking woman.

Anonymous said...

you are awesome, and so is everyone that gets it. I am seriously lmao.

Anonymous said...

You're employed?

JW Burnside said...

You're what's wrong with America.

CT-Democrat said...

I find humor in your demands (for a man) on your profile. With a face like that, you should be grateful to get a man. Period. I won't even talk about the teeth.

As for your recent post, it shows not an ounce of class or self respect. Way to go.

Anonymous said...

"Typical Democrat.

No respect for the working class."

Word.

Anonymous said...

weird bitch, you have serious problems

pjmcgovern said...

funny :)

Anonymous said...

she lost cause she was a shitty candidate, just fucking accept it. if you don't like it, by all means, get the fuck out of our country

Better than snaggletooth said...

Instead of worrying about why Clinton lost, you should worry about your gaptooth you gamely bitch.

Anonymous said...

Therapy dear. Consider getting help; or because your blood pressure must be sky high and you're no spring chicken, you may want to consider additional insurance, medical or otherwise.
Stroked out is not a pretty place to be.
In all seriousness; chill, relax, and try to be slightly opened minded and consider being supportive. You lost, don't be so petty.

Anonymous said...

Your a lazy coward which is why you spend your time in the bathrom playing games on your iPod instead of working like your being paid to do. no wonder your divorced. Stupid cow.

Nathaniel said...

J, you are the best. You work magic with your blog.

LSTB said...

Omigoodness, why can't we all just pretend that the person in the other stall doesn't exist? Pooping in a public bathroom is humiliating enough without worrying that the size, smell, and consistency of your poo is going to be publicized all over the Internet! Some of us have *serious* issues with the whole "pooping in front of other people" thing. My own issue is so bad that when I first went to college and lived in a dorm, I couldn't bring myself to poop for over three weeks. Just couldn't do it. Ended up in the emergency room with a bowel impaction. Know what's more humiliating that pooping in front of other people? Laying face-down on a guerney while the hands-down HOTTEST male intern you've ever laid eyes on pulls on a super-strength rubber glove and digs that impacted poo out of your ass.

Anonymous said...

what are you, eight? Grow up

Kisho said...

Ahhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha! It amazes me that so many people can be so incomprehensibly retarded.

Jocelyn, you're awesome. Keep it up!

Black Arthur said...

Lay-up or hook shot?

Sasha said...

You are really just a selfish pig. What you did was battery and possibly intentional infliction of emotional distress and if I were the lady in the stall next to you I’d sue. What an asshole. That woman could have been sick with the stomach flu. But she’s supposed to hold it until you’re done playing solitaire? There are just so many things wrong with that situation. And I’m supposed to feel sorry for you that Hillary lost? Gimme a break!

Nick said...

WTF???

You took out your anger on the person in the stall next to you? And then, like the coward that you are, you ran away. You have no dignity. It’s a PUBLIC restroom for Christ’s sake. It’s not "your" restroom. You’re sick in the head. I doubt Hillary would be proud to know she has your support.

Anonymous said...

wtf is wrong with you?

Anti-social prat!

Anonymous said...

Wooooo! 52 comments! Way to go Jocelyn, world record! Never mind that the majority of comments are from ignorant haters; in fact their nasty comments only make your blog funnier. They are just soooo STUPID!! Well done for pissing so many people off, I for one recognize that it's not that easy. A true acheivement! Keep up the good work girl!

K said...

Awesome

Anonymous said...

More meaningless drivel from the A-typical gold-digging, uneducated American lazy skank.

You go girl. It's all you got.

Anonymous said...

You are a fucking idiot. Was that an attempts at humor? You're not funny and you have serious mental problems. I hope the person in the next stall finds out who you are and presses charges. You sound like an idiot with an empty life and a lot of anger. Stop blogging. You clearly have noting to contribute to the world.

Anonymous said...

wow.....this was quite pathetic...
if your a democrat, then you should be fucking ashamed of yourself
enough said.

Anonymous said...

So your pissed that more people wanted Obama then Hilary and you take your anger out on some anonymous person. Thats just low

Anonymous said...

Dude, get over yourself. Just because Obama won isn't any reason to get on the internet and throw a hissy fit. I mean, do you know exactly how ridiculous and stupid you look right now? Do you have any idea? You should be ashamed of yourself. If you don't like Obama and wish to voice your opinion, you should do so in a mature and adult manner. And I am not saying that because your blog is one long annoying bitch-fit--I am saying that because no one will take you seriously or even want to consider your views if you show them that you want to tear their heads off just for having a different opinion. I don't like Clinton particularly, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have considered your perspective. Now I definitely won't because you have no perspective--just an angry rant full of personal bitching and complaining. Obama's election is not a personal assault on your person but rather a result of the voices of many who wanted the same thing in a new president. Take some Redelin, chill out, and grow up. You're making the rest of us Virginians look bad. As if the South didn't have a bad enough reputation for hate already...

Anonymous said...

"I mean, do you know exactly how ridiculous and stupid you look right now?"

LOL. How appropriate.

Anonymous said...

Anyone giving you a pat on the back for that bathroom incident is just as retarded as you are. That was sick and childish and I wish that person could've seen who did that to them. I'm sure you would think it was funny if someone did that to you, right? NOT.

And, I feel your pain about Hillary, but that's life. EVERYONE'S favorite candidate could not win. Obama won because MORE PEOPLE wanted him to. It's as simple as that.

That's American Democracy in action. If you don't like it, there's over 150 countries in the world you could move to.

Anonymous said...

Too bad you have to deal with it! Obama '08!

Me said...

J-You should do stand up!

Anonymous said...

Most people are brought up to treat others how they want to be treated, if this is written on real events then you obviously lack some moral values.

Anonymous said...

hurry up and die so real people can live their life you selfish, ignorant junky

Anonymous said...

oh my god im high on meth and smoking a pcp laced blunt right now laughing my ass off!!!!!! you truly are an amazing woman though! a real role model for the "little guys" out there!!!! keep fighting the man jocelyn!!!!!!

Gargantuan Clamneck said...

Nice work Jocelyn...only thing you could have done better would have been to tug on your jerky curtains and pee like a man in front of her stall...that always impresses the prissy women...

Anonymous said...

Hehe, I had no idea you could get this much traffic to a blog by drawing all the retards in. The comments section makes me want to buy a flamethrower, people! Nice work.

Anonymous said...

It would be interesting to have a psychologist have a look at you.

One proof that you suffer from a grave personality disorder is that you probably don't feel there is anything wrong with you at all. I bet you are quite happy with who you are, and how easy it is to manipulate people who HAS a conscience.

I know you'd like to win. In fact, this is all that matters to you in life, no?

But keep this in mind: You will lose in the end.