Tuesday, February 17

I won't tolerate an idle man!

I don't know what it is about the sight of a man doing nothing that just makes my blood boil! I know Phil works hard, and I respect that. But that don't mean he's gotta sit on ass and watch football every Sunday when I've got other things in mind that he could be doing. Of course I realize that Phil needs to relax sometimes. That's what sleep is for!

But in the waking hours he should want to spend every moment helping make a better life for me and my kids. I've tried dropping hints about how the kids' rooms are a mess, the garage is full of my ex-husbands former belongings, and my bathroom is in need of a good cleaning. Plus the wedding is coming up, and Phil hasn't even started going through my address book to send invitations to my friends.

I guess he doesn't get the fact that our life together started the minute he proposed. He seems to think that just because we're not living together yet he can still spend hours at his own house, doing his own thing. He already knows that as soon as he buys our new house I'm going to rent out my townhouse, but he hasn't even bothered to post it on Craigslist for me!

I can't wait until we're living in a nice planned development, and I've got Phil under my thumb where he belongs. All doubt will be removed because I'll be able to plan his day for him, and adjust the schedule thoughout the day. He won't have to worry about pissing me off any more, because I'll make sure that he's always doing the right thing. Then we'll both be happy!

33 comments:

ufoznbacon said...

You domaineering bitch! How is he ever gonna watch a Nascar race or hang out with his buddies with all the honey-do's and busy work to do? Why don't you get off your ass and help!

Anonymous said...

Im so proud that your finally getting what you deserve. and dont worry about his feelings. men have been treating women like this for hundreds of years its our turn bitches!!! actually what ive found useful is to make up a everyday living chart for my husband. and when he completes 5 chores like taking out the trash,changing the childrens diapers,rubbing my bunions,or whatever floats my boat, then i will let him touch me instead of pushing him away. then if he completes 10 chores then only then he can watch his damn football and maybe ill let him do the important things that only i seem to be able to do. but for those rare days were he gets everyting completed ill let him break up some bud and roll me a nice fat one while i sniff some coke so ill have energy to dance the night away at my temporary night job at jiggles. i hope this phil starts pulling his weight around!!!

Matt Frost said...

Run Phil! Run!

Anonymous said...

The author of this article is a complete psychobitch. Your man is not your fucking slave, let him do his own shit and get off your own fat lazy ass and do YOUR OWN SHIT! You are the reason why men think women are such psycho fucks!

Lantern Bearer said...

Don't he have a mama to get that address book thing going. She could get y'll registered down at Big Lots and stuff.

Lou said...

I have recently found you Joss and haven't laughed so hard in months. I save your posts for my last reads each day so I finish on a high. 'The Wedding' post nearly made me p**s myself.

Mala said...

My whole family reads your blog and split our sides laughing. You are the funniest person in Richmond and we love your blog. Do you have a P.O. BOX for gifts?

Verdad...

Anonymous said...

You domaineering bitch! How is he ever gonna watch a Nascar race or hang out with his buddies with all the honey-do's and busy work to do? Why don't you get off your ass and help!
I could not agree more. TRAILER TRASH WHORE

niffiwan said...

Wonderful! Thank you for the post.

Flinthart said...

I got this collar for my dog a while back. It's got a little electroshock unit inside, and a remote control that works up to a hundred feet away. You'd probably need to replace the nylon collar with something a bit more tamper-proof... but I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this.

Anonymous said...

That shock collar comment was perfect. Stap it to his balls girl and he will never sit on his ass ever again!

Anonymous said...

I really hope this post is a joke, otherwise, instead of worrying about Phil cleaning the garage, you should be doing things like planning for the future when HE leaves your ass too.

It's weird, I used to think that only good looking people could be complete bitches and get away with it, but I guess I was wrong.

I hope you realize that you're the exact reason that some guys ARE complete assholes, because they've had to put up with people like you in the past.

Get a grip.

Anonymous said...

exactly what is there that u have said there that you could not be doing?
u shud share the chores sure.
but ur expecting him to do everything.
wouldnt be surprised if he left u pretty soon.
he should do

Anonymous said...

Ah Joss - as always you are funny and some of the comments just top off the hilarity.
You make sure that Phil knows when you punish him for his idleness that you're only doing it for his own good!

Jeffrey Seaview-Twitter. said...

Jocelyn, get that Phil out of the house. I'm coming home. I've Abandonded My Child! I've Abandoned My Boy! Just give me the Bud, Jocelyn. And Let me come Home.

Anonymous said...

you can go to hell. anyone that is dirty as you are does not deserve a good man.

Dude with walmart foot said...

Jocelyn-

Where are you? I miss you so much! Please come back so I can remember how it was when I was growing up.

Meade Skelton said...

In that case , I don't we'd be very compatible...

Anonymous said...

Good job Phil, you're a man's man.

Tanya said...

Can you not get off your own ugly toothless ass? And your kids should be cleaning their own rooms!

stabbystabb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Niall said...

I have to save phil for his fate.

meanroy said...

Great Stuff!
Of course, I'll have to add your site to the blacklist on the nanny software I have on the little wifeys computer but that's a small price to pay for the education.

;-)

Meanroy

Anonymous said...

Good show! Can't wait to hear about it when you get what EXACTLY what you deserve.

Anonymous said...

Equality? They day one of you bitches can whoop my ass is the day you will be equal. That is the way it works in a mans world and if want equality, put up or MAKE ME SOME DINNER!

Equality, used in the gender war, is just another way of saying, restraining men.

singedrac said...

I hear the second divorce is always more entertaining than the first.

John said...

I pray this is a sick, horrible joke.

Anonymous said...

You have two choises here:

1. Realize that your 'Man 2.0' is not the father of your children, and will never be able to fill the role of their true father. 'Having your thumb' on your man/woman is a physical impossibility, and one of the main reasons most marriages crash (would YOU be able to love a person which is also your ruthless commander. End your relationship, it's a cheaper, faster way to enlightenment.
2. 'Put up' with him, if that's the way you choose to view your relationship.

Either way let me be clear; YOU are the problem here, not your husband. Take responsibility for your OWN damn kids, and the things YOU think they need or get outa my sight.

Anonymous said...

Why don't the kids clean their own damn rooms? I mean wtf. They can also probably clean the bathroom before they go out and play. That's what I had to do when I was little!

Anonymous said...

Wow! I am glad your not my wife!!

Anonymous said...

no one listens to this rubbish that you post, and stop complaining about how you want your husband doing things for you, if you want something do it yourself you hick

Anonymous said...

i hate you

Anonymous said...

Hi poopybottom