Thursday, July 30

Marijuana fun!

I received a lot of angry comments on my post about marijuana law, so I'm taking this opportunity to clarify my position. Yes, I believe that marijuana should be illegal. My political beliefs have nothing to do with my constant use of the drug. The fact is, smoking weed is a whole lot of fun, and I'm gonna tell y'all why!

Smoking marijuana doubles the effects of alcohol. Any pussy can drive drunk. But are you brave enough to smoke a bowl before taking that wheel? This doubling effect is especially useful when I'm paying full price for drinks, like at a comedy club. After three shots in the parking lot and a toke in the bathroom I get hammered enough to heckle comedians to tears!

Another good thing about smoking weed is the way it inspires us to gorge ourselves with junk food. There are three levels of this compulsion. There's the "eat an entire goddamn bag of Doritos" level. There's the Cici's Pizza/Golden Corral "binge until you can't eat or poop for a week" level. And for advanced users, there's the level where you roll around on a ghetto seafood buffet, gorging yourself like a maggot in a hospital dumpster!

Marijuana is also great just for entertainment purposes. Like when I blow a fat bong hit in the cat's face. The kids think it's hilarious when she gets all paranoid and scratches at their legs! And we had a great time putting a hot roach out on the dashboard of our neighbor's truck, just after his son returned home with it. Poor kid had to ride the bus for the rest of the year!

Smoking pot constantly is an easy road to a happier life. It has helped me to effectively bury my emotions for years at a time. I'm thankful for the safe emotional distance it has created between me and my needy-ass family. And speaking of family, I should add that marijuana also makes boring things more enjoyable, and enjoyable things laughably boring. But who cares, because I won't remember any of it anyway!

.

59 comments:

mattonfire said...

Oh, Joss. You never cease to amaze me. Good stuff, as always. I nominate you for state senate. Or at least city council.

Jason said...

Whatttt? Joss thinks marijuana should be illegal. You always surprise me with your posts but this? Come on, I thought you said you were from Lakeside, everyone there smokes all day long and cant wait for it to be legalized?

Gil said...

Marijuana can be used medicinally, in a responsible recreational manner, or it can be abused as you describe. It is identical in those parameters to alcohol (which kills far more people every year), tobacco (which is at least an order of magnitude more addictive if not more), and opium products (which doctors prescribe regularly, i.e. painkillers).

I ask you this; Why can't marijuana be regulated, taxed, and prescribed in the same manners as those common drugs? Your cutting sarcasm and straw-man statements unveil an underlying ignorance and prejudice on the subject. You may feel very keen in keeping these preconceived constructs intact, but if you can be half as rational as you have shown you can be venomous towards the intoxicating flower, I think you will one day reconsider your position. At least to some degree.

Shermika said...

Hook me up with that ghetto seafood buffet girl! I wants me some SHRIMP!!! :0

Nick said...

its because of retards like you pot is still illegal

Fliptron Persquakulex said...

Meet me at the dairy case in Walmart and we'll empty all the whipped cream cans of their precious nitrous, then attempt a running exit. First one out gets to tell store cops about the other, obviously guilty person with the whipped creme moustache, stumbling through the toxic toy section.

Anonymous said...

I just got back from grocery store, bought some flowers, dam it I need to go back now for food.

Anonymous said...

hey jocelyn
you're an idiot!
i hope you one day realize how ignorant you sound.
luckily progress has been made, and it appears legalization is very possible, very soon!
all i can say is i encourage people to do their research from unbiased sources and decide what the best policy is.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad that anyone can have a space on the internet to right ideas down, so people like you can spew this shit. Bury yourself up to your neck, and have someone run your head over with a lawn-mower.

Dusty Chenille said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Puerile mind droppings from a absolutely conditioned soldier of the American status quo.

Drink a Budweiser and shut up. It'll all be over soon enough.

Anonymous said...

And censor your comments while you're at it!

Seriously pathetic, lady.

Anonymous said...

could you clarify your position with pictures? i have been imagining you having a variety of positions. i'm still not sure if you're funny haha or funny weird.

Charlotte said...

Wow I love you but I gotta disagree. Here in California we can solve all of our financial woes with the legalization of pot. And cats are natural stoners that's why they dig catnip. Catnip is like the gateway drug for cats.

Maturus said...

awesome!

Anonymous said...

I bet that gap in your teef makes an awesome roach holder!

Anonymous said...

fuck you you trailer trash piece of shit.

SoberThinker said...

I'd like to second the "Puerile mind droppings" comment made below. Why are you so proud of your ignorance?

Also, since you are such a fan of the fascist state you should really stop being hypocritical. No self-respecting fascist would allow dissenting voices to be heard. Take you cue from Fox news- homogeneity.

Hope you come to your senses soon, it is much more interesting out here in the real world.

Eevee said...

It sounds like you're confusing pot smokers with irresponsible assholes. The latter will act the same way whether sober or otherwise.

Sazji said...

There's also the issue of excitement. Just like gay sex was way more intresting when it was illegal, pot is lots more fun when there's a bit of risk involved. I mean legal pot would be like missionary-position sex, while illegal pot is more comparable to a furtive midnight blowjob in the park. It's just way hotter that way!

Ravenix said...

You actually disgust me. Sure, smoke pot if you want to, but in front of your kids? What kind of a mother are you?

Giving it to your frigging cat?? You do know that they can't get it out of their system right? Anyway, to the dumb bith who said that cats love getting stoned, no, idiots like you just enjoy forcing it on the poor animal.

As for getting your poor neighbour in trouble, that's just cruel.

Seriously, rethink your priorities..

The Lone Wolf said...

I couldn't agree more. Driving while drunk and stoned is way better than just drunk.

Tom Degan said...

Here's an argument I've made so many times I'm getting bored with it:

By the time one reaches my age (I'll be fifty-one in ten days) one has known - at the very least - fifty people who have died on lung cancer and another fifty who have died of cirrhosis of the liver. Now ask yourself the following question:

How many people have I personally known who have died as the result of consuming too much grass?

ANSWER:
Not only have I never known anyone to die in that matter, I am not aware of it happening in all recorded human history.

I cannot believe that seventy-two years after pot was made illegal, we are still having this same stupid argument.

Anonymous said...

@tom

Thank you tom couldn't have said it better myself

And let's not forget all the innocent families and children killed by morons driving drunk no pot heads I know wanna get off the couch much less drive anywhere

Anonymous said...

Aw, I was going to send you an angry comment but I forgot because I had a couple of hits outa my dug-out aka one-hitter.
Consider this to be my angry comment and insert a big frowny face right here to express my rage to go along with my angry comment so you realize just how fucking angry I am at you for making me angry enough to bother to leave an angry comment.
What the hell were we even talking about?
Stop bothering me, J, I'm busy thinking about the meaning of life and whatnot. Don't call me later.
Ame in TN

Axel Sears said...

When you explained the effects of pot, you only stated examples that included alcohol.

Anonymous said...

Smoking should be illegal, and it makes you look like a total moron.

exutable said...

wow you're a fucking idiot

Anonymous said...

I certainly loved the way you related family children an the necessities of boring an the extended use involved to keep it going without being bored out of your skull is totally agreeable to me . thank god for the chance to comment back . it is to bad that
" it " can't be purchased at the local 7/11 this country would be so much better off . they raised taxes on cigarettes now its over 5 dollars a pack imagine how much a pack of prime green would be ? interesting enough though it would be great to be able to legally purchase it rather than going through the terror of searching an realizing the local cops can take your car an fine you a seriously expensive fine . for possesion of even a pack of papers an the weed of course , but hey theres no fine for murdering someone but oh crap have a gram of weed an a pack of papers here in florida an bam its a 2500 dollar fine impound your car a seriously screw up your day . kinda screwed up don't ya think ?

K8 the Gr8 said...

I give my kids a blast of a bong with their coffee before school, it calms them down long enough so I can get their uniforms on.

I don't get what the big deal is.

Anonymous said...

i feel sorry for your kids and would love to call social services on your ass

Anonymous said...

I've been smokin pot with my kids since each of them was 5 n got them each their own bong when they turned 13. Hell my oldest just graduated Valedictorian...we bought her a 6 person Hooka for graduation and just broke it in with her in her dorm room at the Ohio State University (Damn those kids can party in Ohio). Oh yeah our cat prefers Shrooms, our dog is a pill popper, my wife is a sex addict, & my neighbor is a sex offender. I thought everyones life was this way whats wrong with you people???

Kaddy said...

It should stay illegal for one reason.
I'm not tryin to pay tax on weed, 'cause thats exactly what gonna happen.
Shit, i already have to pay 20 cents more for cigs.

Anonymous said...

Someone sounds like an alcoholic.

Anonymous said...

fucking redneck

Anonymous said...

Why I think Pot is illegal? It makes you want to work less.

Cigarettes are a stimulant, so it has the opposite effect, and alcohol is simply far more abundant and entrenched in our culture.

No one can make a safety argument about pot because it's not unsafe, in any case, simply because it's not.

Domination said...

Jocelyn, your ignorance astounds me, seriously. You really have no clue what you're talking about, and yet you think you do. You don't have an inkling of how much of a benefit Cannabis (and thereby hemp) would be to society were it legalized (oh, and also if the majority of the population wasn't retarded. But it is, and that includes you).

To anyone who thinks the reefer madness era is over: you're wrong; it's only changed faces.

*Doll*Parts* said...

>>>>Anonymous said...
I bet that gap in your teef makes an awesome roach holder!<<<<

You have no idea how badly I needed a laugh like that today.

Anonymous said...

asshole!!!

Anonymous said...

fuck yea lets drive all spun the fuck out on some meth while we r at it!

Life's Threads said...

dude, you were stoned when you wrote that!

chris said...

you are 100% hick, and u need to know it. i love pot and i aint gonna disagree with what u say about it. but only a fucking idiot makes a claim that any pussy can drive drunk. go tell that to the 70,000 people who are hurt or killed in drunk driving accidents every year. clown.

Sam said...

What an ignorant redneck.

AG3NT Z3RO said...

WOW! I cant believe how ignorant you are. I mean I live in Nebraska and there are some really dumb people here but you have got them all beat. Congrats on being the most ignorant person I have ever ran across.

Josh M said...

Joss. your awesome.
most of these people are fucking stupid.
it sounds to me like you have a great sense of humor. and MAYBE some of the things your saying are true, but i dont care either way. it just amazes me how many people felt they had to insult you.

keep being amazing,
Josh

Anonymous said...

You are a fucking retard!

Like Nick said: "its because of retards like you pot is still illegal"

I'd also want to make pot illegal if people like you smoke it. Here is a list of the stupid things you admit to.
- It's ok to drink and drive.
- It's ok to torture animals.

If I could I'd have you arrested!

Fucking red neck!

Facepalm said...

Dear God people put down the blunts a minute and recognize the comedy.

These comments made me laugh til I cried.

Jocelyn you are simply brilliant.

Anonymous said...

marijuana actually counter affects alcohol .. thats why i smoke when i drink .. so i wont get all shit faced .. moron

Anonymous said...

Joss. I was reading your blog.

I just wanna say that you sound extremely ignorant.

Good luck

Anonymous said...

This bitch is dumbbbbb, she doesnt even really say why it should be illegal. She just says three things that wouldnt change if it were legalized. O and way to promote drunk driving you stupid ho.

And to someone who commented on how the taxes would suck if it were legalized?? I pay 25 bucks for a half eighth in colorado and if it were legalized, the hold of the 25$ price made by the streets would go away. Its so high because theres so much risk involved. So what im saying is that if it were legalized, even with tax, it would be alot cheaper then it is now!!

O and FUCK THIS BITCH!!!!

MPG said...

Marijuana should be legal. It is helping me quit drinking and does less damage to my body than booze.

Anonymous said...

Your known to comedians as a HHAB heckling high ass bitch

Anonymous said...

This is the most ignorant slander about marijuana I have ever had the displeasure to read. People like you are the same breed we have ruining our country in congress. Also, there's a special place in hell for people who chortle about drunk driving. I hope you are hit by a drunk driver and mangled horrifically but not killed so you have to live your life in a wheelchair, missing a few limbs.. you complete waste of a human.

Anonymous said...

All I can say is I wish my dad would have been stoned from smoking too much weed instead of slobbering drunk as he was when he near beat my mom to death in front all four of us kids (ages 5 to 13) and oh' I dont think I will ever forget the time while in a drunken rage he shot off a 45 caliber pistol in the kitchen and then lay there pretending he had shot himself in the head. Funny he was a quite different very mellow fellow when sober and never did any such things. Oh and of course there is my older brother whom smoked cigerettes from the age of sixteen who did not live past forty due to that extremely addictive and deadly yet perfectly legal smoking habit. It was a real pleasure watching him litterally dead right in front of me and my my elderly mom. All I can say is you are one stupid ass fuckin' bitch!

Anonymous said...

you are an idiot....give it to your retarded children....who cares about them, but the fucking cat?!! Dogs and cats can be killed by that, but obviously you don't care because you would probably just eat them you dirty backwoods ho.............i'm form New Orleans "not the smartest of cities" and i've never heard something so arrogant and fucking retarded.......and yes that includes the comments from all the acorn people

Anonymous said...

I dunno anything about this woman, but after reading this post, I think it's pretty safe to assume that she's a flaming cunt.

smartalek said...

Wow.
To those commenters who are going off on Ms Jocelyn for her post:
Not exactly giving the best possible examples of how harmless THC is, are we now?
Seriously, why does every single disagreement have to get raised into a to-the-death cage-match?
Some of you need to either up your dosages, or quit completely, since you clearly can't handle it well now.
And if u don't like Ms Jocelyn's sense of humor, why subject yourself to it? One might suspect the substances you really get off on are testosterone, rage, and bile -- to which some of you are clearly addicted, judging by the evidence here.

Anonymous said...

idk.. i dont really care if weeds legal or not since im still going to buy/sell anyway. The problem is that by making weed illegal, the government hasn't prevented people from getting high, they just unregulated the marijuana market. this means that when i deal with $500+ of weed theres a chance i'll get a gun shoved in my mouth.

Now its hard to feel bad for a dealer but lets think about the "junkies" for a sec.

there are a bunch of people who either have a hard time with obtaining weed or their afraid of "breaking the law" so they go down the dangerous path of looking for alternative highs. These are the people who abuse prescription drugs, huff paints and glues, and smoke synthetic weed. The sad part is that this group is dominated by children who have not developed good weed connections yet.

Also!!! Medical marijuana has been abused since 1996 and nothing bad has come of it so why not just legalize it?

thats just my 2-3 cents

Anonymous said...

Fix your gap teeth you ugly broad. I smoke pot every day but i remember to take care of myself.