Tuesday, September 15

My big fat rummage sale!

I've been out posting signs all over the neighborhood for our yard sale this Saturday. There's stuff for all ages, including many one-of-a-kind items! Plus the kids will be selling refreshments. I don't want them messing up the kitchen making lemonade, so instead we're gonna open the cap on some 3-liters tonight and just sell flat soda as "orangeade". Yum!

Hopefully that fun activity will take their minds off the fact that I'm selling most of their toys. I decided last weekend that anything they didn't play with between Saturday and Sunday was going in the sale next week. They won't know it until they see it all set up on the tables. I'm also selling the stupid papasan chair they love so much, because I'm sick of cleaning our cat's shit out of the middle of the cushion.



Speaking of kids, there are other items in the sale that they probably won't miss. Like Jailen's old crib that lost a couple of the original screws and clips. For some reason that thing snaps shut like rat trap and collapses on top of itself as soon as you put more than 10 pounds of weight inside of it. There was a still a baby blanket trapped inside that I had to remove before I could reassemble the thing.



I've also got some stuff for the guys. Like my ex-husbands record albums, and his military stuff. I had told him that I threw all his things out, but no way! That shit's collectible! I'm also getting rid of my new husband's collection of novelty cologne bottles. He's got a motorcycle one, one shaped like a gun, and even one like a sexy lady! He loves those bottles...but I guess if he loves them so much then he shouldn't be going away to see a football game this weekend!



Last but not least, I'm selling all the crap that the nursing home sent over when my aunt died. I'm asking a very fair price on the grocery bag full of used catheters, and the raised toilet seat cushion (due to a few inches of exposed foam through a break in the seam). I've also got her high-end shower chair up for grabs. It only has a few dark stains on the seat, and one of the wheels keeps popping off. It's a nice chair, especially at this price. Nobody has to know that she died on it!





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17 comments:

Anonymous said...

I call dibs on the crib.

Dusty Chenille said...

Hey! Is the cat up for grabs too?? I hope so! I'm trying to become a Crazy Old Cat Lady ™.

Anonymous said...

I'll take the cologne collection and the bag full o'fun the lady in the pink pants is throwin away!

mattonfire said...

I bet that crib would be a great place to keep the neighborhood children and stray cats.

Anonymous said...

What kinda of military stuff and are the records in good shape.

Anonymous said...

+1 on the military stuff - the ol' ankle bracelet is coming off on Friday, and, well, I'm looking for a gun shaped like a gun.

Lucky Pierre said...

Can you check the crib to see if there is a sticker stating whether or not the crib is definitely fireproof? I had some bad luck with the last one while I was teaching my toddler to smoke.

CochinitaPibil said...

I might have to fight Dusty for that cat- we're having a mexican bbq this weekend at my house and we're short on cash to buy the goat we normally use.

Anonymous said...

Yes! Sell those toys! Nothing sweeter than the tears of a heartbroken child. Good times...

Anonymous said...

Any of your old sex toys for sale?

ariel said...

I'm wondering if you still have that old iron manacle with that 10 pound ball attached to it that you used when Jailen started crawling? I'd like to buy it from you, as my 9 month old has turned into a mini tornado who has somehow managed to break the sound barrier using only her hands and knees. Let me know! I don't know where to buy real traditional pirate gear out here in the midwest!

Anonymous said...

Do ya have any Jarts for sale?
We had a set but my niegbore was heatin them on the grill afore we had a game and the ^&%$ things melted. I been lookin evereywere for more Jarts cuz the kids realy like to play with them and the cats an we cant find em anywere.

Anonymous said...

Somethin is seriously wrong with you, J. Same said for me or I wouldn't keep pokin my nose onto your blog. So, wanna meet for lunch or what? How far away are you?
Ame in W. TN

Meade Skelton said...

Hey- you copied me ! I hope you sold more than I did.

Brian said...

laugh if you want but I have one of those chairs just for my cats to sleep in

Tonya said...

You had me at 'used catheters.'

Anonymous said...

Wow, what a terrible human being to lie about throwing things away only to be greedy and try and make money off of them. Whether you believe in it or not, karma does exist and what goes around comes around. Can't wait 'til you get yours.